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Sahde Smith

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meh [14 Jul 2005|09:57pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Ok time for one of my depressing entries. Lets see here nothing much happening in my life at all, even less now that I have a job, even though that doesn't seem possible. Nothing's happening in my personal life, just sitting here for hours on end thinking about what it would be like to have a personal life. Ummmm... That's about it really, work and boredom. I could get into my other problems, but there's really only one person that is allowed that "pleasure" and that person doesn't exist right now. So I guess that's all I have to say.

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Sleeeeeep... [11 Jul 2005|10:58pm]
[ mood | sore ]

Well I've now had my first day of work and my second day is about three or so hours away and I'm still sore. But I'm getting paid 9.20 an hour so I guess I can't complain too much. I'll be glad when I get used to the work. But besides me sleeping just a little more into the day my schedule hasn't really changed all that much, oh and lets not forget the gray arms after a good days work. Anyways I need to go get some sleep, hopefully it'll not be painfull as other times, have fun yous peoples.

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[22 Jun 2005|04:57am]
[ mood | Empty ]

Hmmm been almost a month since last I updated, well lets see here... nope nothing new really. Still no job and I'm still living most of my life from my room. Went out for a while today and had some fun, but beyond that my past week or two has been nothing but me sitting in my room staring at a screen of flashing colors. Sounds thrilling doesn't it?

Anyways this'll probably be a short entry since there's not really anything to say. Was recently reminded of why I listen to music, so I need to find some more disco music now if for nothing else to honor Dan. I'm a boring person with nothing to do most of the time again, I hope people are happy. Ah but I'm having the low after a day of actually doing something.

Sooo I'm running out of things to say even amoung the small talk so I think I'll call it quits for now. If anybody needs me I'll be in my room doing nothing. Well either that or walking about town with my phone on me so I should be fairly easy to get a hold of. Speaking of walking, it's about time I did some it's only... 5AM I have nowhere to go to and all the time in the world to get there, so you people enjoy living.

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Hmmmm [01 Jun 2005|02:27am]
[ mood | blank ]

I have to say things have gotten weird on me. I'm not really depressed anymore, but I'm not happy either, I'm just kind of blah and there's no highs or lows. I'm kind of stuck in purgatory turned slightly real... I'm not sure how to explain this I just don't give much of a damn about anything anymore. I don't think I'm going backwards on the whole going emotionless again, but something's happening. It may be me going emotionless, I don't really know I can't remember anything from back at that time when I did at first. All that memory is erased or something. It's like I couldn't really care about anything except for what I'm doing at the moment, which might I add is changing every few seconds. I mean I'll do something then change it before I even get halfway done. I swear this is the oddest mood I've been in in a long time and it's been lasting for the past week or so. I'm currently watching a movie on TV that I've never seen and I'm liking it so far, but now I'm doing this completely ignoring it. I can honestly say that if everybody I know were to suddenly die I don't think I'd even care, or notice for that matter. I'm not really seeing any of my friends much anymore. There's only one or two people I even still talk to. At the very least I don't have to pretend that I'm not depressed anymore... and this weekend wasn't a total bust like they have been recently. Damn I wish I knew what was going on with me, but I'm trying to look at myself with that so I'm kind of blind there, I have no way to evaluate myself. All my methods don't work on myself, they're all made for seeing and reading things, I can't do that on myself, I know what I'm thinking and thats the problem. Ah well it's not like I'm going to be figuring this out anytime soon. Okay now I know I'm ranting I managed to sit here for... twenty minutes rambling slowly into the computer. And of course in my usual horrible grammar and no paragraphs. You know it's probably a good thing that all the people that used to don't read up on LJ much if at all anymore. I'm sure at lest few people, well probably a person or two at most, would probably have something to say if they read this. Well I think it's about time I start ending this before I say even more stuff I don't know if I should be putting in print. Hmmm it's about time I went out for a walk. I'll be back later to do some rambling some other time.

Edit: And this proves it, nobody nowadays reads my LJ posts. All of my posts on LJ under the last I don't know few I've done recently don't have any responses. None of my friends inching away from me or anything. Oh well I guess that just means I don't have to lightly place my words anymore. I should probably just stick to talking to myself then, this takes longer and doesn't really help me anyways. Well I could do that or talk to it, however little help that would do, not like it's going to be doing anything good for me anyways. Oh well left and right are better talking companions. I'll let them talk with me for a while, so I'll be heading out then.

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Something to say, maybe a little advice or maybe not [25 May 2005|02:12am]
An apology to any friends who catch me at a bad time. I'm going to be having somewhat anti-social moments from time to time. My best suggestion, leave me alone at those times, I'm not going to be all that polite at those moments. Ummm if I'm talking I'm probably not so bad off and depressed. If I talk with one word lines then I'm most likely either in a bad mood, depressed or a combination of the both. For the latter of the three I'd suggest if you see me either stick around and be friendly or avoid approaching me all-together. Oh yeah and if I call there's probably something I want to say or I need to hear a voice... or something like that.

Ok enough of that. Now for interesting stuff that happened to me... Right so I can't think of anything, but at least I'm doing somewhat regular updates on LJ now, it's been so long. Hmmm maybe I should stop writing since I'm still in somewhat of a good mood. Not much to talk about but oh well.
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[22 May 2005|11:57pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

Well it's good to see people finally posting in LJ again. Not that I have anything all that interesting or uplifting to talk about so I won't, or at least try not to... ... ... That was pretty unsuccessful... Ummmm oh yeah... Nope never mind. So yeah something good happened, most likely, I just can't think of it right now. I got one of the weirdest skateboarding games I have ever seen. It's called Yanya Caballista: City Skater, somehow I have a feeling they both mean the same thing or the first part is just a made-up word. It has some of the weirdest characters, like the main one looks like a he's from the Dragon Ball series. My personal favorite looks like a flashy magician with a top hat and glasses, lets not forget he's mostly wearing purple and his name is Mr. Honda... His style is awesome though... ... Ok I'm stuck in my train wreck again. Nothing like having your hands shake uncontrolably whenever you start thinking about why you feel like a fucking piece of left-over trash. Ok I'm stuck in it now. I should probably stop writing or I'm going to start depressing the people who might read this, like all one or so of them. Time to find something to do, I started thinking about it and I'm not going to be getting any sleep tonight because of it. So yeah, you people have fun, be happy, don't tell me to be happy and... Ummm enjoy your sleep.

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[17 May 2005|10:34pm]
[ mood | blank ]

My it's a surprise that anybody still reads my LJ posts and even in the same day I wrote it too... Oh well it's not like anybody I know can help me right now, correction not anybody that will, only one can help and they won't, too many ties have been made and I have been cut from the thread altogether. I swear I feel like carving out pieces of my skin just so I have something that'll hurt enough to distract myself from other pains. Damn me and my ability to rationalize things... ... ... yeah it's time for me to stop writing and... I don't know, not be? I can't deal with this, it's just too much for me. ARGH!... so empty, so much pain... my own thought are my worst enemy right now... and the shaking starts again... Ok yeah, time to leave I can't take this anymore.

I don't know if anybody will be able to contact me for a while, I think it's about time I performed my magic vanishing act, lets see if I can't disappear for a while... Just need a little food to put me through each day or maybe not since I'm not eating much anyways. Make sure to make an appearance for the parents every day and don't take the truck... Hmmmm one last call before I vanish, but thats for tomorrow... *sigh* Maybe I'll vanish and maybe I won't. It takes so much energy to disappear... At the very least I can't take any of this anymore, I need to end it, cut myself from this new thread I've been woven into, I must correct it. An end and a beginning as it always was. Either way I'm not going to be around to talk to, for a while at the very least. Enjoy yourselves my friends I'll not be around to enjoy it with you, I have something I must do and that means I won't be around for a while... and I've gone and written a lot more then I probably should, right time to finish this. I must finish it...

But as always I must leave some tracks, I don't know why I feel I have to but I do, so if people want they can do something instead of nothing or something like that. I'm not even going to hide it in words this time, my cell phone is the only trail I'm leaving behind this time, if you want call that otherwise don't.

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hmmmm [17 May 2005|12:32pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

Well that was a waste of a phone call... Man I hate my life right now I have to distract myself or else I get all depressed. Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep yourself constantly distracted? The worse time is during class when I get bored with the lecturing. All I have that I can do is think and thats a bad thing. I swear I wish I could just fall asleep and not wake up. That would fix so may problems, but no I don't know any way to do that and I don't think anybody would let me try if they knew... *sigh* Argh, I need somebody... somebody I can be close to... somebody to hold me for a while, but thats asking a little too much of anybody right now, especially certain... No don't dwell on it, it can not be... Well it can't be for quite a while at the very least, but I doubt I'm worth the while. So yes it just can't be I'm not worth it.

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Core Memory Meltdown... *click* *sproing* *BOOM!* [08 Feb 2005|08:06am]
[ mood | blah ]

Gee I havn't posted in a long time. My brain is exploding with too much to do and too little to do. My real life has so little stuff to do of any real interest that I hardly leave my room anymore. What's worse is that the imaginary world of colored pixels is offering me more stuff to do then I can possibly do in one sitting. Now add in the distraction of people who are either happy to see you, sometimes, or are avoiding being around others be being around you you have a smorgasbord (don't even ask me to spell that right I don't know... and I'll kill ya if you do) of fun.

Where the heck are my sock puppets when I need them... *wanders off in search* Think I might have blown them up in a previous "Fourth of July Celebration" or something. Well at least I still have Bob, Uub, Charles, and Clyde to talk to. Although they are not the best of company, but at least they're somebody to talk to that doesn't send me into a homicidal rampage... well at least not all the time.

I swear I need a private continent for my very own so I can "get away from it all". There's not enough games and/or anime in the world to bring me out of this funk. Anyways this is enough of me complaining, although I wish it was close to the fourth of July so I could buy myself some good old huge smoke bombs. But yeah not a whole lot I can do right now being broke, going to school, and getting crappy amounts of money from the government this term.

Ok I think this is the last of my rants for this little rant. Ummmm... Stuff... So yeah I'm going on another of my sleepless binges don't think this one will last a week, but it's going on two day now?... Yeah two days of complete and utter boredom. Along with fits of nothing but laying in bed not being able to sleep for hours on end and lets not forget getting annoyed with humanity as a whole minus a few people. So yeah blah blah blah complain blah blah blah stuff blah blah blah depression (AKA angst for you people who are still teens out there) blah blah blah complain. This now ends my rant of rantingness ness... ness

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[25 Dec 2004|05:24am]
[ mood | calm ]

MERRY GC TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOODKNIGHT!... Ok so I stole that line from Steve and then added to it a little. Either ways yay christmas and stuff along with it. Recieve and take and all that jazz. Ummm oh yeah make sure to enjoy it, at least a little or else this whole thing is a waste of time. HAVE FUN DAMNIT! WHY?! CAUSE UG SAYS SO!!!

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Bored bored, bored; bored: bored' bored"... [23 Dec 2004|07:11am]
[ mood | blah ]

Ok so far this winter break has been ok... Nothing much has been happening, and when it does it either is for a very short time, not really worth the energy, or so many packed in one day it's kinda hard to enjoy it. Although don't get me wrong some of it's been fun, but it's so far and in between thats it's hard to find the fun in it. It's almost like depression, except I don't feel like killing myself... Ok maybe I am a little down, but oh well.

So it doesn't seem that other people have much to say either since nobody has updated in a while. Well christmas is coming soon or christmahanukwanzaakas for those out there that want to be "multi-religious friendly". oh yeah yay for the holidays... It's like listening to a dead cow cry I'm so excited.

Well I'm done being bored and typing, it's not really helping pass the time like I had hoped. So I guess I'll just go back to doing nothing... All yous peoples have fun cause somebody definitely sucked the fun away from my life for the moment...

Edit: Damn you people and your stuff and friends to do stuff with... Don't mind me my boredom turned from discontent to plain old irritation, but don't worry though I'll go back to feeling sorry for myself soon enough. Darned mind won't let me sleep like this, I guess it's time to go on a major wandering sometime soon. Hmmm yeast and pixies... pink unicorns and coffee stains... Truth and happiness... Lies and fairy dust... And Mythology and Religion... Ok if anybody other then myself can figure out what that string of things is all about I'll give them ten bucks... Anyways back to trying to sleep you lucky sons of bitches who can actually sleep when you lay down.

Edit#2: Ok it's five in the morning and I've gone back to being depressed, time for a walk in the brisk night air or something...

Edit#3: And it's morning, god I'm so fucking bored. At least I'm not outside in the dark paranoia anymore... Ok if anybody has something to do involving more then just sitting and staring at the wall, it's probably more fun then I'll be having... So don't tell me about your day cause it'll probably just annoy me even more then I already am, cause I spent the whole day doing nothing...

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[30 Nov 2004|09:35am]
Yay for post-Thanksgiving deals. I'll be getting a shiney new Nintendo DS for the grand total cost of $21.50 out of pocket, not even money out of my pocket, turn in a few old games and my SP and I get great deals. Only have about $128.50 in store credit cause of those deals heheh...
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Stluck [19 Nov 2004|12:16am]
[ mood | sick ]

Well this week is awesome and sucks at the same time. I managed to get Half-Life 2, Metroid Prime 2, and Monster Hunter all in one visit. The games all rock and I'm having trouble spacing out playing time. Now I'm sick with a sinus infection so I'm sore, tired, and congested (aka crap going down throat and sore throat).

Yay for you Rachel, if I'm still sick I might not suggest glomp tackling me as I might end up falling over and hacking up a lung.

Yay for stuff...

Ok I feel like throwing out some riddles since I got in the mood, nothing like "Maria's Trivia Time", but anyways Shane no answering this one you already know it: He who makes it has no need for it. He who buys it had no use for it. He who uses it has no knowledge of it. What am I? To clear a couple things up (1:) it is tangible, you can touch it, kick it, whatever (2:) Almost guaranteed that you've seen at least one of these over the course of your life, so it's nothing obscure or anything like that.

Anyways theres a little riddle of mine enjoy.

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[13 Nov 2004|01:54pm]
[ mood | calm ]

How long would you last in a zombie movie by zombi357
Weapon of choice
Friend who turned that you had to killcranberrynomiko
Chance you will survive: 100%
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Hell yeah I survive I tell ya! Oh yeah and sorry for having to kill you and everything Rachel, but I had to you zombied and I knew you hated them so I figured you'd want to die.

Who will you be stuck with at end of time? by chi_a_baidh
Your name is
Your sex is
Your favorite color is
You are stuck there becauseyou were frozen in ice/a crystal
For _____ years11
With Oprah Winfrey. Click for pic.
He/She will think you arestupid
You willrun far, far away
Quiz created with MemeGen!

NOOOOO! Anybody but her!

Anyways I had to put something in here since I havn't updated in a while. Oh and of course drink blood, peel of dead rotting skin, and avoid the sunlight. Yay for Nocturnal things including games of approximately the same name.
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Right... [21 Oct 2004|04:48am]

Livejournal Family!
LJ Username
Favorite Color
Husband sahdesmith
Mother afirek_nema
Father reverend_bc
Sister afirek_nema
Brother afirek_nema
Dog afirek_nema
This Quiz by Rikku - Taken 69017 Times.
New - Dating Advice written by YOU!

Ok I'm fine with myself being my own husband, at least the genders right, but what the crap?! How can Shane be my mother, sister, brother, and my dog? What do I do listen to him, annoy him, hit him, and then pet him?! And what kind of fucked up kind of parents do I have with Brennen and Shane of the hills? I mean how much more do I need to do to make a redneck family? I think Shane's got it all covered by himself, but I must be able to do more... I know, I can be my own grandfather! Man I've got to see Shawn of the Dead, it's looks like a fricken funny (would use a more descriptive word, but I don't know how to spell it and I'm too lazy to look it up) movie.
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[19 Oct 2004|05:42am]
Ten bucks (not really) to whomever can guess who the guy is on my new icon and what he came from!
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[19 Oct 2004|05:25am]
[ mood | Ug ]

What Is Your Best Sexual Skill?
Flirting Skill Level - 68%
Kissing Skill Level - 42%
Cudding Skill Level - 90%
Sex Skill Level - 85%
Why They Love You You are very sweet.
Why They Hate You You kiss better than them.
This cool quiz by lady_wintermoon - Taken 871951 Times.
New - COOL Dating Tips and Romance Advice!

Ok then I guess I'll take that...
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You all suck [18 Oct 2004|03:23am]
[ mood | numb ]

LJ friend stats
LJ Username
LJ friend who likes you the most sahdesmith
LJ friend who wants to meet you snokupps
LJ friend who has a crush on you cranberrynomiko
LJ friend who looks up to you snokupps
LJ friend who you should get to know better snokupps
Percentage of LJ friends who actually read your entries - 70%
This quiz by waywardpixie - Taken 190187 Times.
New - Kwiz.Biz Astrology

Because I like myself more then any of my friends do. So thats how it is, all of you people are jerks that don't like me. All of you, on the black list! Yeah you heard me on the black list! afirk_nema, check. bladekitten, check. cran... all of them, check. poisoniousheart, check. reverend_bc, check. snokupps, check. sahdesmith, nope he likes me. Off I go then... *singing* "Massacre, massacre, not a single survivor. Genocide, oceans of blood... Let's begin the killing time."

So yeah school sucks as always for me, no electronics classes this term so it's even worse then normal. Ummm nothing good has happened in my life since last I updated... So thats about all there is to write for me, and errrr nope can't think of anything else so talk again sometime maybe.
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My update for the month [22 Sep 2004|10:21pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

Well school is about to start for me finally and all I have lined up for classes are two math classes and a swimming class so I have all the credits (12) that I need. Yeah gonna be really hard next term (lots of sarcasm there) two math classes I don't really need and a swimming pool where I get to relax for an hour. Well at least I'll be going to all my classes inside the time that normal High Schoolers will be sitting around bored. So that means I can still visit the little bit of friends I have left there.

Don't even ask why my mood is in a hopeful state I'd have to kill you if I told you... I mean err umm not... kill you? Anyways yeah I feel like complaining but I think the sock puppets are watching so I'll have to do that another time. And lets not forget about the Motocoyotes they're just frickin insane.

Gotta get my darned necklace back *glares at person who has it and doesn't use LJ so this is pointless*... Oh yeah lets not forget about the bitchy people damn them all!... My breath smells like lettuce. Wait a second I don't remember eating any lettuce *stares off into the distance to think*... ... Nope I havn't eaten any lettuce for the past couple of days... Wait a second... typing... LJ... stuff... Thats right, crap happens and people do stuff in reaction to it. Ug, Ug Smash, Ug Smash good, Ug Smash very good... ok I think I'm do for this little update, so until next month or whenever I feel like updating again talk (type) to yous peoples later.

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... [05 Sep 2004|01:09am]
[ mood | blank ]

Yay for depression, and this time it's more then what happening at this moment in time. Felt like I'd make an update since I havn't posted in a while. Nothing much new happening with me still on vacation, still don't have any money, and I still don't really have a job. So I get to sit here on m rear doing absolutely nothing, what fun... But all that aside I'm living my normal life nothing happening, nothings going to happen, and it's not gonna change anytime soon.

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